While my mom was starting her slow recovery from her aneurysm rupture, my grandma's (my mom's mom) health started failing quickly. The timing couldn't have been worse. My mom had been my grandma's rock over many years, helping to care for her and take her to many appointments. My mom normally saw my grandma at least twice a week. Because of my mom's aneurysm there was an 8 week gap before they saw each other -- that was so difficult as Grandma was so use to mom always being there and because of her dementia she kept forgetting why she wasn't coming. And then the news came that her health was failing quickly and she had days or weeks left. Thankfully, my dad and Aunt were able to get my mom and grandma together several times over grandma's last days. Grandma passed away at the end of February, almost 7 mos. ago, yet mom still asks from time to time "have you talked to Grandma today." I was close to my grandma and losing her has been difficult. I miss so much about her.
And this is a tough one for me to write about but my dad's health started failing in May (probably earlier than that but he was so strong and didn't let on). Dad had a "stroke" on April 28th and we spent many hours in the ER that evening thinking that the cancer had spread to his brain (this is what the Dr.'s had mentioned as a possibility). When I left the ER that night I had accepted that is what we were going to find out. I went to dad and mom's house to spend the night with mom since she still needed care and dad was in the ER. Too many details to go into but after much back and forth, throughout many days (yes cancer had spread, no it hadn't) the Dr.s' finally confirmed the cancer had spread to dad's brain, as well as other spots. This was in mid-May. At the same time dad found this out, mom was in Rochester having surgery on her shunt which was plugged. Such a tough time but God was still one step ahead of me in this journey and He continued to carry me through.
Mom was discharged from Rochester to a Nursing Home in EC in mid-May. I stayed with mom the first night in the nursing home as dad needed to get some rest at home. But after that, dad stayed with mom every night, even though he felt so crummy from the radiation he was now getting. On Thursday, June 9th, dad left the nursing home early in the morning to go home and try to shower. Yes, just showering became almost too much for dad those last days. He told mom he wouldn't be able to make it back that day as he didn't feel strong enough. He never did make it back to the nursing home as he ended up failing day by day, until early in the morning on Thursday June 16th when he won his battle with cancer and went to be with Jesus. I will always say he "won his battle with cancer" because now he is healthy and free from disease and with his Saviour! That is winning!
Soon I will write about that last week with dad. There are so many memories during that week. I saw dad 7 out of 8 of his last days on earth and for that I am thankful, so, so thankful! I spent dad's last night at home (Monday, June 13th - Tuesday June 14th) with him and that is something I will always cherish. Such difficult moments -- but beautiful moments at the same time. I also was blessed to spend dad's last day's with him in the hospital. Those were extremely difficult days but also it was a blessing to all be together, my dad and mom, sister, brother and I.
And things are still very hard. Of course there is the grieving over my dad. I love him and miss him more than I can express. And then my mom's recovery from her brain aneurysm is slow, and she has had one thing after another which has really set her back. We were told early on that she would make a good recovery but it would be a long road. We heard things like a year or a year and a half for her recovery. I would give anything to have this "slow recovery" now that we're approaching the one year mark. But now the Dr.'s aren't sure what her "new normal" will look like. And this cuts through my heart. I wonder if I'll ever get my mom back. If my girls will ever get their grandma back. Mom has short-term memory loss. I can go visit her, and when my brother goes later that same day, she will have forgotten that I was there. This goes for everything -- she forgets who visits her, where she lives, that dad has died, etc. Her long-term memory is fine. She'll remember every one's name from years and years ago, whether they were a good friend or just an acquaintance. Mom has a lot of issues with her physical strength and her balance is off. She falls often and I wonder if she'll ever walk without assistance again. She has the symptoms of "Sundowners Syndrome" and this can be so severe. During those times she has extreme paranoia and anger, usually thinking she is being held hostage and/or whoever is by her wants to kill her (this includes if I am by her). This is the toughest and scariest one for me right now. I see my mom much more now than I did before her aneurysm, and yet I feel like I haven't talked to her since November 15th, 2015, 10 mos. ago. Anyhow, I share all this to say things are very difficult right now. And so .... I lean on God .... and I write .....
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