Treasure

I need to write on this special day.  Today, June 17th, is the due date of my precious babe that went straight from my womb to heaven back in October.  I have been missing this precious babe so much the last couple of months as I have thought about how big my tummy would be, how close we would be to that exciting day of delivering our 9th baby.  There have been more tears shed here lately by me and some of the big sisters. I have been replaying the miscarriage and even though it was scary, painful, and hard ... God carried me through in a big way.  I trust Him completely.  We named our baby Treasure ... because that is what she/he is!  It doesn't matter that baby only lived in my womb for a few short weeks, her/his life is just as precious!  I'm going to write today as if I'm talking to our sweet Treasure because it's easier to write my feelings that way.

Dear Treasure,

I miss you!  I have been thinking so much about you lately.  Every time I see a very pregnant mommy I think "that is how big I would have been" if I carried you to term.  

I wonder if you are a boy or a girl!  We assume you are a girl (with our history!) but one of my kiddos said maybe you are a boy and my body couldn't carry a boy.  We won't know until we get to heaven (although daddy insists we know because of our history!).  It doesn't matter, we love you just the same.  

We named you a few months ago.  The whole family talked about your name and what it should be.  Because we all value life and consider your little life just as important and precious as ours (because it is!), it was a big job to come up with a name that would encompass all that we wanted it to.  We talked about how things of this earth don't really matter (money, house, riches,outward appearance) but that we need to have an eternity mind set.  We talked about how the only treasures we should store up are those with eternal value (our souls, the souls of our children, and others).  All that really matters on this earth is living for God...teaching our children about God...teaching others about God.  The Bible verse Matt. 6:19-21 is so important to us.  So, your name became obvious to us!

Lay Up Treasures in Heaven

19 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust[a] destroy and where thieves break in and steal, 20 but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

There is so much I'm going to miss with you. I can honestly say I'll miss the labor pains, the delivery, and of course the feeling of your warm, wet body being laid on my chest!  That is the best feeling a mom can have ... going through the work of labor and delivery, and then having her gift laid on her! I'll miss that look I can't describe that I see on your daddy's face every time he holds his newborn child for the first time! I will miss nursing you.  I'll miss seeing all your big sisters loving on you! I'll miss that newborn stage so much:the little noises, the sleeping babe on my chest, I'll miss the sleepless nights where it would have been just you and mommy!  

And then I'll miss your first smile, first step, first word.  I'll miss you learning to walk.  And again watching your sisters love on their new sibling.  

I'll miss watching you grow through your toddler years into your school years and having the wonderful gift of teaching you.  Teaching you how to read your first book! 

I'll miss watching you grow up.  Going from a young child, to a pre-teen, to a teenager!  Daddy will miss teaching you how to drive (that is just one part of parenting I don't like!).  I will miss watching you get married some day and becoming a parent yourself. 

I'll miss many things about you. But I know , without a doubt, that you are in Heaven!  That is daddy and my ultimate goal in life ... that not one of our children would be lost.  That every one of our children would be in Heaven one day.  You, Treasure, are in Heaven and we will meet you one day!  

You are a gift to me!  Your life is just as precious and important as someone who lives to be 100.  God knew you before He made you!  He knew exactly how long you would live on this earth.  He gave me the honor of holding your little body in my womb for those 6 weeks that you lived on earth.  I am forever grateful and you are forever a part of our family! You are my 9th child! I love you!  I miss you!

Love,

Mommy